pushup-variations

The Prison Guide to Pushup Variations


Everybody knows what a pushup is, but do you know the different variations that will take those man-boobs to the next level?  I’ll show you.

Let’s do a little role play. 

You’re in prison for showing your we-we to your hot neighbor.  Turns out she’s not into you that way and called the cops.  Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.

 

Now while you’re in prison, there is a nice gentleman in the cell next to you that would like to make you his boyfriend.  He’s really a sweet guy with life goals, the bring-home-to-mom type.

 

So in order to save your hind-end, you have two options. 

  • Craft a make-shift knife and shank him, or
  • Start doing pushups to make yourself bigger because you hear his type is weak guys.

 

Well unless you like prison, which is something I’m not qualified to help you with, let’s skip #1.  So pushups it is, this I am qualified to help you with.

 

So you start doing pushups, but after a few days it gets boring and you can blast out 25 without even breathing heavy.  You are an avid Aesthetic Physiques reader; you know you need to overload your muscles with weight to grow them.  And right now your bodyweight isn’t cutting it.

 

Since you’re in prison you don’t have access to the normal gym equipment like a weighted vest or even plates to increase the weight.  There is really only one thing we can do now to protect your butt, use different pushup variations to help you grown bigger.

 

15 PUSHUP VARIATIONS TO PROTECT YOUR BACKSIDE

 

THE EXPLOSIVE PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest and Arms

FEET ELEVATED PUSHUP

 

Target: Upper Chest and shoulders

TYPEWRITER PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest and Arms

WIDE PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest

DIAMOND PUSHUP

 

Target: Arms

CORKSCREW PUSHUP

 

Target: Core and Chest

AZTEC PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest, Arms and Core

SINGLE ARM PUSHUP

 

Target: Arms and chest

THE SPIDERMAN PUSHUP

 

Target: Core

STAGGERED PUSHUP

 

Target: Core and Chest

T-PUSHUP

 

Target: Upper Body

SINGLE LEG PUSHUP

 

Target:  Upper body and core

1.5 PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest.  Make sure you do the ½ up from the floor to mid-way, it’s the toughest part of the movement.  Translation:  You’ll get stronger quicker.

ECCENTRIC PUSHUP

 

Target: Chest.  Puts extra stress on your chest for more time under tension.

PIKE PUSHUP

Target: Shoulders

This list should keep you busy and keep your potential suitor at bay for a little bit.  I wish you the best and remember to eat a lot of protein to fuel the muscles to grow!

 

See this is what happens when I read a book from a prisoner’s perspective of life at Alcatraz.  Damn books.

 

If you know someone who could benefit from this article, please share it on Facebook or Twitter.  2 out of 3 people are obese today, let’s start a change.  Or if you know someone going to prison.

Dave